::stand:: / Tuesday, October 31, 2006
soooo frustrated and confused now. and guess what? it's about that whole debate thingy. it's not about the auditions (since i'm alrd default. bah). it's about even going. i just don't feel like it. even though it's fun and interesting (challenging) and a time-killer.
i forgot about everything already. like baseline argument and such. how to summarize and compare. even though there's a vague idea there and i still have my voice. i think it's my voice that saves it all. but i sounded horrid on that tape. that tape mrs. o screened as a debate briefing. and besides, nobody else (that was once a debator) actually joined-joined.
except me.
i REALLY think it's time to give the other's a chance to discover their talent and develop an interest in them [for debate]. i like debates, there's a certain passion for it [in me]. but i want to be something else. not a debator. i want to be a teacher.
yes. i want to impart my skills, even though insufficient and inexperienced, to them. i want them to learn and pick those skills up. i guess there is a joy in teaching and learning. perhaps, after assisting them and guiding them, i will feel a sense of satisfaction. and it would be, i think, better for the rest to learn (more comfortably) from a friend, than a teacher.
but i guess it isn't really possible. since mrs. tan goes, "really cheryl. you've got to get your class together to help you. get more people for the auditions. but you don't need to go for the auditions, you're by default." but default doesn't mean 'must' does it?
and sigh. mrs. o's totally counting on me to "save" the class. like what the? I AM NOT FANTASTIC. there are probably better debators out there. she goes, "whoa! you're the only debator in your class? okay..i want you to help sell the idea, and do your class good." sigh. she's counting on me.
i don't know how to get out of this whole mess. i want to teach and assist them, perhaps i can get a further insight. this shouldn't be the pass debators "saving" the class. it should be the new ones, outshining the old. okay, maybe not that much. but at least picking the skill up. oh, debates!
i don't even think bs is going. besides, our class has only me. and i'm only good in the reply. ahhh, sheesh. that's like 30 points or something. even though it's a much tougher job than the first's.
NNOOOOO! i don't want to go lah. but i bet i'll be called a traitor or something. because not only mrs. tan and mrs. o who's counting on me. it's the class - esp. the girls. bernice and janne is freaking out just because of the whole audition thingy. esp. jjanne. who's DESPERATE to go. i don't know. and i'm telling them stuff/tips and hints on what might come out, tt i'm going crazy soon. it goes like, "don't worry okay. it'll be totally fine. just do your best. and speak up.....use the....model.....oh! it might be like.......but don't worry. i passed it like it is. if you're good...than yah.." and i repeat and repeat and repe...t
decision is final: i'm going to the audition venue tomorrow and telling mrs o/mrs tay/mrs tan about my pov. i'm not sure if they're going to make a big fuss out of my withdrawal. man, this is bad. kylie, please come tomorrow!!!!
/ihopped at
4:20 AM
::point:: / Monday, October 30, 2006
an exclamation mark can really mean alot.
i'm not kidding, just think about it. i don't know why i'm posting again.
at first i was giving it for fun. the silent treatment. to that somebody. then, i started to like it, it's rather fun. but now it isn't. i just don't want to talk to that somebody anymore, like that person is invisible. i don't feel like talking to that person anymore. but it isn't hatred. i don't know what it is. i just don't want to see that somebody and talk to him/her. it.
and i don't even think that somebody cares. not that i want him/her to.
/ihopped at
12:52 AM
::took:: / Sunday, October 29, 2006
sigh. janet left me a quiz. am bored anyway. here goes...
1. Are you single, taken or crushing?
err. none of the above. refer to my old post..
2. Are you happy with your life now?
uhh. pretty good. yeah.
3. When you meet the right person, do you fall in love with him fast?
what kind of questions are these? well answer is no. how would i know if he is the "right" person?
4. Have you ever had your heart broken?
i don't know. depends if i even liked that person. but no, i don't think so.
5. Do you believe in some circumstances where cheating love is acceptable?
hah! will never do. than it won't be called love anymore.
6. Would you take someone back if he cheats on you?
errh. no. unless i like that person very very much, and i could die without him. but no.
7. Have you ever talk about marriage with another before?
umm, hello? i'm twelve -12!! child marriages?? like wait till 20 lah. but it's still young.
8. Do you want children?
not now. but maybe so. [what kind of quiz is this??]
9. How many?
i was fearing that. sheesh. 1b,1g.
10. Would you consider adoption?
no, i don't think so. i'm not a celebritywho goes adopting people from africa and such. besides, it's not my own "blood". won't care for him that much. it is a very serious thing to consider.
11. If someone likes you right now, what do you think is the best way to let you know his feelings?
just tell me straight. but since i know that the person likes me. i don't bother asking him. and besides, i'll feel weird (embarrased, more like) if it's true.
12. Do you enjoy getting into a relationship?
what the..*NEXT!*
13. Be honest, what is the furthest thing you and your ex did?
refer to the first question. i don't have any now, and definitely not then. but even if i did, it would be talk. and only talk.
14. Do you believe in love at the first sight?
umm, yeah, kindduf. but it isn't love, it's puppy love.
15. Are you romantic?
define romantic. i don't know. my skills haven't been tested yet.
16. Do you believe you can change someone?
yes. already did, in a way. actually, everybody did! i mean, somehow, your thoughts and your actions does have a certain impact on someone somehow, no matter small.
17. Do you easily give in when you are fighting?
i don't fight.
18. Do you have feelings for someone right now?
this is a BLOG. a PUBLIC blog. why would i tell you? [that is, unless i'm dumb.]
19. Have you ever wished that you could have had someone but you messed it up?
i don't understand. i don't wish for anybody.
20. Have you ever broke a heart?
i DON'T KNOW. i'm not a mind-reader or whatever. certainly not a heart-reader.
21. If one day your best friend falls in love with the boy you are deeply in love with, what would you do?
that is SO cliched. it always happens in teen dramas. so nopes, i'm not gonna answer this.
22. you missing someone right now?
i dono. somethings maybe: chocolate(!!!), books(!!!) and music(!!!)
i'm not gonna stab anyone.
/ihopped at
11:29 PM
::mask:: / Saturday, October 28, 2006
hello. i know i haven't been posting much and the reason is stated clearly on the tag board. yeah, my computer crashes on and off. and now, it SEEMS to be working fine. somehow. i have been thinking. actually, money is important. the world revolves around money. yeahh, money can't buy true friendship and love. but it buys things you want and need.
i've been wanting so many things. that it makes me think that my life isn't whole. yet. maybe it won't be. but i WANT it to be whole, complete. perfect. but nobody's one will be. because of money, people want things. they get the urge to buy stuff. i dono. i just want so much stuff. you could just look at my birthday wishlist. it takes up 3 whole A4 size paper. and counting. as i go shopping, i find stuff. and i just add it in. errh. don't really worry. those wishes.....are for my relatives to fufil. you people buy anything and i'll be happy. XD
christabel!!! i need my autograph book to pass lah! hurry up please. i'm covering the boys as well, thank you very much.
school is really boring. i mean seriously. you look back in my archives and you'll see that "hey! i'll have fun after the psle. woot!" so wrong. it's pratically boring. what we have: uno subsitute poker. since we cannot bring poker cards to school. it's banned. and electronic games too. but the boys don't care. it's in their blood anyway. and basically the school coms can't play code 1 dvds. so bah! it's always uno sub. poker. and since i'm already sick of it. i read my books. and because i read too much, i'm sian also. and in the end, i've got nothing to do. but to talk.
which isn't at all healthy.
and by which reminds me that i CANNOT go to any friend's house or go out with friends. not even jin's. and i've only went out 3 times. one of the fewest. and i don't know the reason why i'm not alllowed to go out. haha. at least my mum allows me to plan my bdae party myself and invite at most 8 friends. which i don't know if it's alot. and probably a sleepover.
oh yes. vivocity. went there not too long ago. but what can i say? 3 words: unimpressve and boring. cos it was crowded. and i doubt the crowd would subside any time soon. but amazingly(?), i was able to spend $200. ha. i bought a jacket (<3333)>birth date. i know i share my birth date with like 0.7 mill people around the world. but what the.. why kevin. kevin. it's not very nice.
i wonder how the last day of school would be like, being my birthday. and not to mention, kevin's？maybe rachel and some guy，jd？ would tell the class to sing us a bdae song and the teacher’s would be surprised and start saying，“oh really？ wow。i never knew that?" and i'll be nodding my head smugly. sharing a birthday with someone in your class and getting asscociated with him ( i AM NOT) is not good.
especially with that person called kevin.
urgh.
MY WISHLIST
- books. memory keeper's daughter/point blanc/stormbreaker/ruby in the stone/one good turn/labyrinth and more
- cds. shayne ward/back to basics/stacie orrico and others
- clothes. i don't need to say. but i really want an artists' cap.
- and so many other things i don't bother writing.
/ihopped at
8:02 PM
::past:: / Sunday, October 15, 2006
please click picture to enlarge. this is my sister's 3rd birthday. so that time, i was 9. primary 3. how i miss those days of innocence and fun but those days are over. however beautiful, great things don't last - over.
actually jean's right, i was chio-er then. lolx. it depends on perspective and that ever-changing environment around you. like i go to ny - i cut my hair. and such stuff. idon't want to change.
but i guess it's a phase everyone must go through.
arh, shucks. i keep on pressing the 'tab' button for no reason. was chio-er. i don't even think i am. and if any of you want..i can pose a recent picture! yay! a very umm, "posed" one. it is background edited [soft focus, tint etc] but no detail edited (that's the facial stuff. like erase, sharpen, and blah). oh, maybe i'll post it.
come to think of it - there's nothing actually good about me.
/ihopped at
6:34 AM
::wonder:: / Monday, October 09, 2006
lyrics for your umm, enjoyment(?). i find it meaningful..and probably reflects (oh! reflects) most of my feeling now.
Reflections (disney mulan) - Christina Aguilera
Look at me,
You may think you see
Who I really am,
But you'll never know me.
Everyday,
it's as if I play
A part.
Now I see,
If I wear a mask,
I can fool the world,
but I cannot fool my heart.
Chorus:
Who is that girl I see?
Staring straight,
Back at me.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now,
In a world
Where I have to hide in my heart,
and what
I believe in.
But somehow,
I will show the world what's inside my heart,
And be loved for who I am.
Who is that girl I see,
staring straightback at me?
Why is my reflection someone
I don't know?
Must I pretend that
I'msomeone elsefor all time.
When will my reflection show,who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free
to fly
That burns with a need to know
the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel?
Must there be
a secret me
I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that
I'msomeone elsefor all time.
When will my reflection showwho I am inside?
When will my reflection showwho I am inside?
oh, ooh yeah
/ihopped at
1:28 AM
hello.changed my template. cbox not ready, was lazy to find it. will tell you more about it later. later...
surprisingly, no sad periods coming yet. yet. it's quite easy (to me) to feel sad. it just takes the right time, the right place and the right person. you're thinking of. even though i don't really know why i feel sad, there's a vague idea there. when i feel sad, most of the times, the first person was it. it.
oh! swirls - life is just like a clout of mess. the mess to your left. beautiful as it seems, it's still a mess. life - a bicycle, a revolving sphere, a deep sea, a roller coaster, a race, a beautiful disaster. my past theories. wrong. life can never be explained.
tomorrow's the last day. and i must work hard for that three marks. it might make a big difference. if i get 268 for T-score, this three marks will allow me to fufil my wish - 271. but obviously, if i could get 276 or so, why not?
update, update. stop teasing me about me with whoever, whoever. be it that person from my old school ("oh! so loyal"...shut up kevin) or whoever in this school now. update: i, should i say it hesitantly?, do not like anyone now. okay. or before. it's not umm, should i say, like like. hey hey, we're 12! 12, is not the proper age. i more like adore, puppy love, and love at first sight. it might not be true for everyone. maybe my declaration isn't true.
a lie.
maybe life is also a big, fat lie.
who knows?
and please don't mistake my tone now as sad, it's umm confused, phsycological. yeah. that kind of mood. my sad mood? indescribable. basically, let me set all of you straight. none, and i mean none of you will ever know me. in and out. through and through. unless you're with me for like 10 years or something and you come to sleepovers and such. or else, no. why? simple: i'm more than a scorpio. i'm a very very scorpio-ish. the worst lot of them. i'm a scorpio. scorpio.
what are scorpios known for? mysterious side to them. you won't know them. well, because they have split personalities. wait, i'm saying this again. shoot. anyway, there are many sides to me. to different genders i show different sides. to different people - different sides. different places - different sides. with my own- i don't know myself. i roughly know what i produce and show, but the inside - that swirly twirlying dark sould -, i do not know.
and because of the above stated facts
i'm proud to be a scorpio.
a very scorpio-ish scorpio.
the worst lot of all - a scorpio.
Is it safe for me to be me when i am with you? can you hear what is NOT being said? i really wonder...who you are. who i am. i think i've been watching too much TV. listening too much radio. reading too much. wondering too much. fantasizing too much.
is too much good?
sometimes, the best things in the world comes in small packages.
"when you measure someone's worth, put a tape around the heart instead the head"
actually, worth is subjective. but true, the heart. it gives you life, it makes others smile.
"when you break your word, you break one thing that cannot be mended"
and many other things that go along with it.
goodbye. oh! sorry if i spoilt your mood or what: but if you want to be happy, BE!
/ihopped at
12:32 AM
::plans:: / Friday, October 06, 2006
uh-huh. i bet loads of you people out there are having party plans, right after the last FINAL day of PSLE which is tuesday. (what? can't hear ya?) TUESDAY IS THE FINAL DAY! woot~
okay: just for fun, here are some of the HOTTEST, TRENDIEST places you can visit- enjoy
Junction 8:
- okay, the umm say, "sci tuition troupe/girls" go here most of the times when they have science tuition. been there myself, OF COURSE, not very well furnished yet, i guess. but the shops are soo pre-teen hot. i mean, you can have LOTS of fun there. mini-toons. swensons. and retro streetwear. price: not that pricey. maybe bring along about $50 or less for you to splurge it ALL out.
Plaza Singapura:
- my god! this is one grrrreat place to shop (janne do it please). great great great hip streetwear. not that ex unless you go to branded stores which can cost you a bomb ($1000 and more). gelare, sweet secret and blah blah blah. lots of food. lots of shops. there's a popular i think. kindduf like j8. except much more people, better. that's my pov. chris and i went shopping there b4. and rach, dee and i caught a movie there before. so way cool. price: umm little bit more than j8. should be fine. woot!
Takashimaya and Tangs:
- basically, i absolutely love this place! it's ORCHARD what do you expect. very expensive stuff. like ralph lauren, esprit, guess?, dolce and gabbana, and georgio. are there jimmy choo?anyway, if you got the cash. this is the BEST PLACE to splurge. for bargains and such, umm, the not-that-cheap-but-still-trendy shop is OP. try esprit too. not bad. and there's KINOKUNIYA! and borders. book fanatics like me(?) will absolutely love the bookstores there. their the BIGGEST in town. whoa! coffee bean and other cool restaurants are there too. price: very pricey, not reccommended for people with below $100.
VivoCity!!!!!!!!!!:
- the newest and BIGGEST shopping mall in town. one mil sqaure feet, ya know?! i sooooo want to shop there. ex,ex,ex. very expensive. all the high-end branded streetwear are right there. those people who LOVE them, go there. it SHOULD TOTALLY rock. i totally can't wait to go there. and there's the Vivo Golden Village. the largest cinemax in town~! yay! yay! there's the gold seat and such. with lounges and plus. but one ticket to the "golden arena" will cost you about $15-$20. so price: pricey pricey pricey. VERY EXPENSIVE. for a small splurge on clothes and accessories, get at least (at least) $200.
- i'm going there~!!!!!
along the streets of bugis:
- won't say much. but you'll come across a couple of nice stores. and for absolute FANTASTIC and cheap food. go to tao's. where a 8-course meal cost a child $15.
Paragon:
- their bigger and better. cool clothes, but very ex. check it out if you want. i'm getting lazy...so i'm not gonna write in-depth.
all the best for psle! jiayou. because later: you can PARTY ALL OUT (at the above places if you want)!!!!!
"Life is like riding a bicycle, you don't fall off unless you stop pedalling."
/ihopped at
8:36 PM
::cascade:: / Thursday, October 05, 2006
hiyas! gonna make it a short one since i'm suppose to be reading zuo wen know for ti cai tomorrow. mood: not exceptionally happy, memories are back. sigh. not being to forget things are not that great...
life: song. it's true. a song - a long, sad one.
finished ENGLISH and MATH psle! woot. happy for that. two down. 3 more to go. wooh. i'm gonna get 270.. it has always been my motivational spur. as well as mrs. tan's words to me. i really need to thank her for that. hmm. the papers were quite easy. especially english. i finished it in 45 mins. was SOO bored and my butt was aching like what?! so i started drawing - oh man! a master piece it was...but i need to erase it off. it was too, umm, say philosophical and sad. so yeah. and then i started writing totally cuckoo sentences in french. one said:
[francais] l'amour je........translated:
[english] i love myself because i'm hazelnut creme. thank you very much. okay, i SO know that i'm cuckoo. and i was bored and had nothing better to do. that's ridculous. anyway, i started to think of what i want to eat for lunch. I WAS BORED! and agreed on peranakan! yay! i love irins. the food there is cheap and good. i had chilli pompfret! that totally rocked.
math paper: i was like last time. the questions i dono (usually a big no. this time 4) was to be done in the last half an hour. and like last time, i managed to do it. haha! and i'm pretty sure i'm correct. aiyah, not that confident of getting A* but should get a high A. oh please!!!
english, even though it was easy. i'm having second thoughts about it. i might have made ALOT of careless mistakes. i dono..oh i SO need to get A* for this subject. oh please!!!!!!!!! with a cherry on top!
pwetty pweetty pwlease with a chewwry on top?oh, how much i miss colorado days. jin and i were lamenting on it this morning.and i'm going to coro with her tmr..right after chinese, before sci supp. yeah!
5 more days to FREEDOM AND FUN. here i come!!!!!! i can't wait. i'm gonna skip school for a couple of days. PARTY alot!!! and i mean, alot. alot. alot. and go to friends house. stay back for a few weeks. so cool! uh-huh
ohh. and i just found out. i'm physic. kindduf. today, in my dad's car. i was like: macdonalds. it just came to my mind, and i said it. one minute later, my mother called and told me i was gonna have macs for lunch (fish burger with fries). hmm. and earlier in the morning. i predicted mdm heng would nod her head very exxagerately after mdm chin spoke her sentence on being careful and blah. and she really did!
oh! and i just found out that there was going to be a 'his dark materials' movie!!!! woot!!!!!! oh man, i can't wait for it. long time ago, when i was reading the book, i was like marvelling at how good it would be to have it in the movie. and was dreaming about it - as a movie. yeah! the cast is like AWESOME. dakota fanning (i think) as Lyra. and nicole kidman as mrs. coulter. that's so cool.
ERAGON (another GREAT GREAT book) is gonna be made into a movie and would be screened in the u.s. this december. i wonder when it would come to singapore. woot! two WONDERFUL movies to look forward to. yeah! booyah.
/ihopped at
2:40 AM
::been:: / Monday, October 02, 2006
lohas peeps. need to break away from mugging. psle tension, stress and anxiety, that kindduf thing? yeah..
been listening to LOADS of mtv and 98.7 FM. music makes me wanna do work...amazingly. alot of nice new songs. like promiscious by nelly furtado. some song from stacy orrico and so on. NICE! the song hady and jonathan sang - the wings one - have been playing ALOT on 98.7. anyway. been eating quite a fair bit as well. i wonder how many calories ice-cream have. definitely lesser than 1000 calories in a normal mooncake. soo, dad bought ice-cream mooncakes from swensons. it's free (so i shouldn't use 'bought' but arhs.). it's not bad lah but not that fantastic. fantastic is MOON-PIES. that rocked. and so cheap too. it's 8.80 for a box of 8. and very good too. love it! especially the original and coffee one.
i have loads to blog about, but that gonna happen after psle. now i just have to concentrate and focus. MUST GET 270 and above! anyway, children's day was great. they had bop to the top (hsm) in one of the acts. yeah, kindduf. so it was nice. and we gave bernice a big soft doggy with a christina aguilera cd. yay! i love her. her vocals are the greatest. anyway, bernice would lend me the cd to burn, or will she be nice enough to burn it for me. but anyway, it's the same. i'll get the disc in the end. sheesh.
let me take back my words, it wasn't THE best children's day - this being our very last.. the other classes were able to turn on the radio - LOUD. and ms yeo just had us to do marking. sigh. and k and l had pizza, so good. while we have to stay STUCK in class. when we wanted to on the radio (we are defiant), that shengyi just had to pull the plug. he's such a wet blanket.
anyway NONE of us were in the mood to do marking so the boys gathered at the back, probably gossiping and janne and i were establishing plans. oh! what plans. it's gonna be really cool after psle. i look forward to that day. oh!! should we stay back and hang out after the last day of psle?
was thinking so..
forgotten..jd (staying near j8) was reported seen together with sr. muahaha. and in the bubble lift, when the girls whowere there for sci tuition, he was spotted again and tried to cover his face..embarrassed. aww. what is it to be embarassed about when you're with your favourite girl. he probably was there to see sr (kevin must have told him)..arhs, maybe not. he said he was going to popular. hmm, who would, correction, which girl would believe him?
lolx, rachel and janne wanted to report it in front of the whole class, but didn't in the end, reason which i don't know. haha!
posts to look out for:
- posting some stuff in chinese: sudden inspiration
- i predict another sad period coming along : tearing
- umm, about something/body: just memories
- total rock out! after psle plans (i'm just fantasizing but PLEASE make it real): after
- friends going separate ways: connection fazed
okay, i'm a little cuckoo..but all those are just to remind me..i have enough draft posts on the toll. and i MIGHT publish them. because some are offending, some totally reflects my cuckoo personality. sort of.
gonna sign off now. toodles. EVERYBODY: good luck to your psle! :)) jia you!
just put in you best effort..what i can't let go off is: friends going to other schools. sigh..that's a problem later. again: JIA YOU!
"It is wise to keep in mind that no success or failure is necessarily final." Anon
buh-bye
/ihopped at
12:43 AM